


I Have A Plan

by Agentrogers17



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Returns, F/M, Fights, Friendship/Love, Hurt Steve Rogers, Kidnapping, Love, Protective Steve Rogers, Relationship Problems, Shy Steve Rogers, Shyness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-05-23 17:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6124678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agentrogers17/pseuds/Agentrogers17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader is the last member of the Avengers. She is good friends with Captain. And she is in love with him. But she thinks he loves Sharon. And of course Sharon acts like Rogers is all hers. But the team ship Captain and (y/n). Also Tony Stark has a plan...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It hurts...

"Hello Captain what are you doing this Friday night?" Asked Sharon. I looked at her and tried to understand what she was doing.

"I don't know. Probably I will watch some movies with (y/n) and the others."

"Well maybe we could go somewhere together?"

***

"What a bitch!" I said. Clint abd Tony looked at me and I knew they were thinking the same thing.

"We need to take that chick our of here. I can see it in her eyes. She wants to fuck our little innocent Capsicle." Said Tony.

"If there is someone who will fuck our little innocent Capsicle it is (y/n)."

"We have to do something. Anything. Or they will stay at friendzone forever."

"Maybe we will send them to a mission at Norway. And then something will happen... And they will stay in a little tiny house for sometime and you know." Said Clint.

"Nope. That won't work. Both of them are taking missions too serious."

"Tony is right. It won't work."

"I have a plan!" Said Tony. "But first things first. Nat go and save Capsicle from that chick in heat."

***

"Steve... Can you come here? We need to talk about next mission." Natasha said one hand on my arm.

"Yeah. Sure. See you later Sharon." I said and followed Natasha.

"So... What is going on between you and Carter?"

"Nothing. She is just a friend. You know."

"It doesn't look like she is only a friend."

"Then how does it look like?"

"Like you and her are a thing?"

"Us? Me and Sharon? No way. I don't even think of her like that. I won't."

"Why? Is there someone else you think of like that?" Asked Natasha with a dangerous light in her green eyes.

"No. Nope. No one. Really."

"You are blushing Steve. You know we are a team. And you and I know each other for a long time. I know some gal is making your heart go faster. Tell me who it is."

"I can't. She would never think of me like that anyway. I am close with her. She is a dear friend. But... I can't lose her knowing that she won't take me like that."

"You can't know."

"I know. She is too perfect for me."

***

"How long has it been since the last time we did team building exercises?"

"You hate all that kind of shit." I answered an looked at the billionee standing in front of me.

"Yeah. But I am bored. All we do is sit here all day long and wait for a disaster to happen. We need some of those exercises."

"And what do you want? I will let myself fall so you can catch and than you will fall I'll catch?"

"No. Lets go camping. We will work as duos. And it will be fun."

"It is a bad idea."

"No it is not."

"Yes. Stark. It is."

"Are you in or not?"

"I am in. I have nothing to do any way."

***

I was watching (y/n). She was looking at a map and she was flawless with her camping gear. She was beautiful.

"So JARVIS tell us who is partner with whom. And we will start this trip." Said Tony.

"Yes sir. Natasha and you, Dr. Banner and Thor, Sam and Clint and of course Captain and (y/n)." After hearing our names our eyes met and she gave me a soft smile.

"Looks like we are a team Cap." She said smiling.

"Yeah. We are a team." I said and Tony started to read us rules.

"You will be given a tent, two sleeping bags, water and food. All of us will start in different places of woods and the team wich will find the cabin first is the winner."

"What does the winner take?" Asked Thor.

"Pop tarts for you." Said Natasha.

***

"We should rest." I said. I was tired. 

"It will rain. We need a place where we will get less soaked."

"My feet are killing me Cap." I whined. He looked at me with his kind eyes and suddenly he lifted me.

"We will find the driest place and we will camp there."

"You don't need to carry me. You gotta be tired too."

"I am not. I have the serum remember. Also you weight nothing."

"You are too sweet for your own good." I said resting my head on his shoulder.

"What do you think about there?" I asked looking at the cave like thing. It had a roof but had only one side wall so it would keed us dry. Also it was large enough to fit a tend. Also I thoght even Steve could stand there easily the roof was high enough.

"I think it is perfect fir tonight." He said and while he was making our tend pretty I was preparing something to eat.

An hour later we were watching the rain his arm around my shoulder keeping me warm and my head resting on his firm chest. I could feel his heart beat and his chin on the top of my head.

"What are you thinking about Steve? You look like you are far far away from here." I asked quietly. Scared to break the beauty of the nature around us.

"Nothing more important than I have here." He murmured. And I can't lie the words he said the way he said those words made my heart warmer.

"You are in love aren't you?" I asked. I knew there was some girl making him go this sweet and it broke my heart but. If she would make him happy... I was ready to get more broken.

"What? No." He panicked. It meant there was a girl. And it was a lot more than a crush. Which meant my chances grew weaker.

"Come on Rogers. I know you. You act different. I can see it."

"(Y/n)... I am serious there is no girl. You know you are my best gal." He said holding me closer to himself.

***

"So... Do you think they are telling each other how they feel?" I asked. Tony was uncomfortable. He hated nature. And... Well he brought us here so he could not complane.

"They better be. If I will deal with mother nature here and we will go back home with no couple I am gonne kill them."

"It was your idea Stark."

"Yes. I know Natasha."

***

"Are you cold?" I asked pulling her closer to my body.

"A bit." She whispered.

"What about connecting our sleep bags so we can share body heat?" I asked. I was blushing. Blushing hard. And I was scared if she would get it wrong.

"Best idea ever." She said and moments later she was in my arms and her full body was against my own. I could feel her soft chest and slim legs.

"You are warm." She said with a happy tone.

"And you are freezing come here." I said and put my arms around her torso a bit more thighter. Her hands were flat on my stomach and she burried her face in my chest. I could feel the coldness of her little nose and the scent of her soft hair.

"Good night (y/n)." I whispered. I knew she wouldn't answer she was fast asleep.

***

I woke up to an unfamiliar warmth and pare of strong long arms. When I opened my eyes I met large shoulders and a very musclar chest. I knew only two people with large shoulders and more than very musclar chest. And I wasn't this close with Thor so it had to be Steve. 

The knowledge of being in his arms made me feel loved but than I remembered that Steve was in love with someone. It made me feel sad in seconds. And I started to think who it might be while he was asleep. I knew it wasn't Natasha. I would have notice. I saw them in the same room everyday and I knew it wasn't her. So I thought about the other women who Steve was close with. Maybe Maria? Nope. He barely talked to her. Than only one person was left. Sharon Carter. Yep I was sure it was Sharon. First of all she was a Carter and Steve loved Carters. Also she was flirting with him 24/7 and he never stopped or even tried to stop her. It meant he loved it. And... He loved her. The thought of him loving someone else was stronger when I knew who it was so I got out of his arms as fast as I could.

I needed to get away from him. I needed to be alone. I needed to fix my broken heart somehow. So as soon as I put my boots on I started to run. To get away. And i found a little pond. With a small waterfall. It wasn't something beautiful or stunning it was just a normal pond with a waterfall. Which made me think that it was a perfect place to cry. Because it wasn't something special just like I felt right now. After sometime of crying I started to feel numb. Like it didn't matter. I washed my face and started to watch the water.

"(Y/n)!" I heard Steve calling me. But right now I didn't felt like talking to him. I honestly didn't think I ever will feel like talking to him so I got up on my feet and silently wander further from him.

After sometime of walking I found the cabin and went back to out little camp. Steve was worried. I could see but I didn't wanted to care.

"Where were you (y/n)? Damn it. I was so worried." He said taking me in his arms and giving me a hug.

I didn't return it. My heart was too broken.

"I was walking around. Nothing serious. I found the cabin. So... Lets go."

"Are you okay (y/n)?"

"I am. Why shouldn't I be?"

"Maybe we should have some breakfast first?"

"We can have it there." I said and after taking my gear started to walk. He was walking after me. I knew he couldn't understand but I didn't have the power to talk. 

***

"You two are the second. We won." Said Clint with a smile I just gave him a half one. He looked at me with a questioning glare but I just shrugged.

After 5 hours every one was at the cabin. Natasha was watching me curiously and Steve was trying to talk to me every time I was alone but I never let him so... Everything was a full mess.

***

"What did you do?" Asked Natasha. I was watching (y/n). She wasn't talking to me she was running away from me and I needed answers.

"The problem is I didn't do anything. We talked last night and slept but when I woke up she wasn't anywhere she returned some hours after and said she found the cabin and she is not talking to me since."

"She wouldn't give you cold shoulder with no reason. Something happened."

"I swear Natasha. I don't know. But I want to know."

***

"Are you okay pretty?" I asked (y/n).

"I am Nat. How are you?"

"I am good but I feel like something happened between you and old man and now both of you are sad."

"Nothing happened."

"So you are randomly ignoring him?"

"I don't ignore him."

"I saw him trying to talk to you like 16 times last 3 hours but you always found a way to send him away."

"Everything is fine Nat. It is nothing I swear."

She was lying. And I could see her heart was broken. Something totally happened and it needed to be fixed as fast as possible.


	2. You Can't Take Back What You Said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets real...

"So... What are you thinking about pretty? You know I know you good enough to see that something is wrong."

"Nothing is wrong Nat. It is just... I don't know maybe I am just tired and I need a vacation?"

"No you don't. I saw you tired. It is not like that. Something is wrong with your feelings. Your heart is tired not your body." Before I could lie to her I saw Steve and Sharon. The pain which of course was not physical got too real and I knew if I would stay there a bit longer I would never be able to control my emotions.

"I gotta go." I said and nearly run out of the room. 

"JARVIS I will go for a jog. Please tell if anyone asks."

"Do you want to be found or would you prefer to stay alone?"

"Alone. J I need to make up my mind. So... You know what I need."

"Peace. Silence and no people around."

"Yepp." I said and got out of the tower.

***

I looked at the direction that (y/n) was looking a seconds before she left and... Yes as expected Steve and Sharon were there. Talking. Sharon too close to him. Girl was pushing it. Not only she was on Steve every time she could she also was breaking (y/n)s heart. No one brakes my friends heart. The thing that was driving me crazy was Steve of course. He just... He was letting Sharon to flirt with him. Thank god he never went anywhere alone with her or I would have cut his dick but still. He was breaking (y/n)s heart too. And it was killing me.

I had to go after (y/n). But first things first...

"Captain. Don't you have better things to do than walking around with lower agents?" I asked. I knew my tone was rude. I could see how uncomfortable Sharon was. Also I was looking at her with a death glare so she was pretty damn scared. Go me!

"Are you okay Natasha you seem angry." Steve said. Good boy. He knew defending her would only make me more rude. Also if Steve is not defending something or someone with all he got it meant it did not really matter to him. So it made one problem less.

"I am angry. And if you won't fix it soon... Lets say someone or two will get hurt." I said my eyes never leaving Sharon. She gulped. I gave both of them a dangerous smile and left.

"JARVIS where is (y/n)?"

"She left the tower and said she wanted to stay alone."

"Was she okay?"

"Her stress level was too high and she was upset."

"Make sure she won't get in trouble."

"Yes madam."

***

I was walking around the streets for about hours. It was darkening and I still didn't feel better. I needed a drink. I wanted to get drunk. So drunk that I wouldn't evn think about Steve or his Sharon.

I found a decent pub and went in. I didn't know how long I was there but my whole world was spinning and I had no idea why was I laughing so hard.

***

"Where is (y/n)?" I asked. I haven't seen her since the time she was sitting with Nat.

Bruce looked at me with worried eyes.

"I have no idea. I haven't seen her all day."

"Jarvis."

"Yes Captain Rogers?"

"Where is (y/n)?"

"She left the tower 7 hours ago."

"Tell me her location she might be in trouble."

"She wanted to be left alone."

"It has been 7 hours JARVIS. It is too long. She might need us." Sadi Bruce.

"She is in a pub.5 streets away."

"Thank you." I said and took my bike to find her.

Pub was crowded. But I would recognize her even if there were millions. She was drunk I could see it. And a lot of man which I didn't think were there with their good manners and wishes were around her.

"Come on baby. I can give you a night you won't forget." Said one of them. Okay. He was a dead man. 

"Back of you moron. The only night I wouldn't forget about with you would be the worst night I would have. Go find yourself some cheap sluts."

"So you are a too expensive slut for me."

"Even if I would be a slut. I wouldn't be a one for you."

"Who do you think you are girl? You are a loser just like us. Look at you. You act like a princess but you are drinking for 2 or more hours here. You are no better than us." Said another one. What hurt me the most was the fact that (y/n) didn't answer. She did not defend herself. Amd if it was true that she was thinking of that about herself I needed to fix that. As fast as I could.

"She is not like you. She is the best thing I have ever met." I said. I knew they were looking at me. Except one person: you. You didn't even turned your head to look at me.

"And for sure she is no slut." I said.

"Language Rogers. And... Get out. I don't need you are your defendings."

"I am here to take you home."

"Don't you have your Sharon waiting you at 'home'?"

"What does this have with Sharon."

"You tell me."

"I am not sure I do understand you (y/n)."

"Well then understand this. I don't need or want you."

"What do you want then? Drink your ass off? Let one of this losers fuck you? Wake up somewhere you have no idea where? What do you want (y/n)? Because I don't really think the things you want are the things you need."

"Forgive me Rogers. For not being as perfect as you are. And I am really. Really sorry that I can't have anything I wish for when you have every damn think. But these are my problems. So go. Go back to your perfect fairy tale life. I will get drunk on my misery."

"My life is perfect? You think! Damn it (y/n) you better not talk about thinks you have no idea about."

"Yeah? If you think that way why are you still here talking about my life and my choises? Like you have any idea."

"Someone has to think about you life. It is clear you are not able to!"

"I don't want you here." She said.

"Get up! We are going home."

"Go to hell."

"Get the fuck up." I said and grabbed her arm. I guess I did it a bit too strong. And she screamed with pain. But I was too angry to stop right now. So I pulled her up.

But then the men around her stood up in front of me.

"Well Mister she might be a mess. But it gives you no right to hurt her. Or make her come with you." Said one of them. Good God. I was the bad guy now. Really!

"Look pal. You don't know her. Or me. I live with her I work with her. And I saved her ass more than once. And I sure know what is best for her better than any of you do."

"But still. You are the one who hurt her. I don't know what happened between you two or who you are for each other. But... you hurt her physically and I really don't think her leaving this pub alone with you is safe." Said one of the women.

"I am not leaving her here."

"Hell you are. Or I will call some cops." I had to leave. But I called Tony to send some people to take her.

***

"Are you sure she was too drunk and didn't wanted to come with you with no reason? Are you sure this is it?" I asked Captain. I was watching him. He didn't looked his best. I could see he didn't sleep last night and was pretty angry.

"What do you mean Tony?"

"Her wrist is bruised. There is a large hand print there. I am pretty sure it hurts like hell and she is in pain."

"..."

"And some of the people from last night said that you are the reason of that bruise."

"I..."

"Did you hurt her Captain? Because if you did I am not sure she is safe with you."

"Tony I didn't mean to hurt her."

"Well you did. And as I remember she was the drunk one and you were clearly in control of your decisions. And you decided to hurt her. What is happening Cap. I am angry at you but also you are a dear friend of mine. And I want to know what is happening. Hurting (y/n)... Hurting any gal is not a thing that you would do. What happened there? What happened to you?"

"Nothing. It was an accident."

"But you are not sorry for that?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"..."

"I see. You think (y/n) deserved to get hurt. She deserved the pain. I am sorry but I can not let you stay alone with (y/n) until I will be sure you would not hurt her again. And she won't go to any missions with you for some time."

"I don't think it is for best."

"So bad that I do. I also think you owe her an apology." 


	3. Sharon.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I really I mean really don't like Sharon.

"Hello Captain. It's been a while since the last time you came here." Said Sharon. That hunter like glare in her eyes. She wasn't a dear friend but she was the only person I had omething to talk about except the team. And the team... Well all of them weren't okay with the night we fought with (y/n). I still did not apologise and I really didn't know why. Normally I would do anything to correct my fault and I knew I was not right but... Maybe it was that I was not ready to see a proof that I hurt her.

"So Cap... I haven't seen you with other Avengers lately. Something is happening? I mean, is there anything wrong?"

"No. It is just... You know I did something wrong. And now they are angry at me."

"What was the thing you did wrong? I suppose it was not something on purpose."

"And what happened? You know you can trust me."

"I hurt (y/n)." I said quietly. It was hard to talk about her when I knew the pain I gave her mostly was mental and she trusted me. And there was a chance that I lost that trust. The trust of the person who mattered the most.

"At training or something?"

"No. She was at a pub. She was drunk. And I tried to force her to get out and I hirt her wrist. I knew I was harsh but I did not stop. Because..."

"Because of what?"

"I was too angry at her. Because she wasn't very safe there. And her being so reckless. I mean someone could harm her there. And she would not be able to protect herself in that state."

"It made you think that she needed a lesson. Or a pain that would make her see that she is not immortal?"

"Yeah. Something like that..."

"And this is why you are not with team?"

"I didn't apologise. I need to. But I didn't wanted to because I am avoidin her. Avoiding the look in her eyes that would tell me I lost her."

"You don't need her Steve. She isn't even a full Avenger yet. You know... You are Captain America talk with Fury and he will send that bitch somewhere where she won't disturb you. She is just one of those girls you don't even need to think about her."

I looked at her with shock. I could not believe what she was saying. It was (y/n). Our little sweet (y/n) she was talking about. Everybody loved (y/n). Everybody respected (y/n). And Sharon was talking like she was nothing. She even dared to call her a bitch.

"What is your problem with (y/n) Agent?" I asked. I couldn't stop the coldness in my voice.

"You know Cap. She has nothing to be an Avenger. No super powers. No super strenght or anything. I don't know who she slept with to be an Avenger but she does not deserve it. Even a little bit."

"(Y/n) saved a lot of lives Carter. She saved mine more than I could count and she is perfect with guns and combat. Also she is very clever. Did you know she planned most of our missions?"

She looked at me with wide eyes.

"That's what I thought." I said and went back to Avengers level.

***

"What are we doing here Clint?" I asked. 

"Nat told me you would not talk to her. So I thought I would get you out and make you talk."

"I am not talking because there is nothing to say. Have any of you ever thought of this?"

"There is something (y/n). You know we can see it. You are hurt. Heart broken and you are not sharing."

"I am okay."

"So if you are okay... Which you are saying since we started to talk and you have nothing to say may I talk?"

"Yes, please." I said.

"So I heard from Tony that our old man hurt you physically."

"It was an accident."

"It does not change the truth that he hurt you."

"I was drunk. Very drunk but I know Steve would never hurt me knowing that he was doing it."

"Not my wrist has a giant hand print all purple girl. Not mine."

"Mine is. But I don't believe. I can't believe that Steve did this because he wanted me to get hurt by himself." I said quietly. It hurt. And sadly it was not only a physical pain.

"Did he ever apologised?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen him since that night."

"So he is running from you."

"Probably."

"What is happening between you two? It did not start that night I know it. So what happened at the start?"

"I don't know." I lied.

"No. You know. I can feel it."

"Leave me alone Clint. I am tired of this shit." I said and started to walk to my room. Until I bumped at someone. Someone twice my size.

***

I was walking angrily to my room. And someone walked right into me. Tiny someone. Someone who was using coconut shampoo and vanilla body wash. Someone I would recognize no matter where or when.

"Hey (y/n)." I said holding her from her small waist.

"Steve." She whispered. I gave her a sorry and kind smile. Her big beautiful eyes were looking at me with a worry.

"I believe we have something to talk about." I said...


	4. Lets Start Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Steve talk. And well... You will love Steve. I promise.

"(Y/n)... First of all I know I had to talk to you long time ago but... But I was scared that I lost you. And I probably lost you because you know I was a jerk. And what I did is unforgivable and you never deserved that kind of treatment. And you are the most important person to me but I don't think that you think of me the same anymore. Because I am an idiot. I hurt you. And you have every right to hate me. I won't come to your vision again if you will want me to do so..."

"Steve. Stop. You need to breath." I said. He was stressed. I could see it. His cheeks were pink from shame. And his big beautiful blue eyes were full of sadness amd misery. And all his body was screaming 'I am sorry!'

"I... I think what I want to say is I am sorry."

"I know you are. I can see it."

"But what I did is unforgivable. I know. I know that I lost you forever. And you probably don't even want me here. So I think this is where I get out."

"No."

"No?" He asked. He was confused. 

"You wanted to talk. So lets talk. But please calm down. You need to breath while you talk." I said and gave him a kind smile.

"But... What I did..."

"You were angry with me. And I was drunk. Very drunk. The most drunk state I have ever been. And I am not easy to handle. I know myself."

"It is not an excuse to defend me."

"I do not defend you. What I do is... Well I am trying to say that of course what you did was wrong but you didn't to it because you wanted to. You did it because you were trying to take me home where I would be safe but I was no help."

"I am still very sorry and... Honestly the reason I was running from you was that I was scared that when I would look in your eyes the emotion I would see would be fear. I would never be able to live in a world where you would fear me or hate me. You mean too much (y/n). You are everything I got. Everything left from what I got. I lost my era, I lost Bucky, I lost Peggy... I lost everything and everyone I knew. You were and still are the first and onlu person I truly trust and is with me."

"I will always be with you Steve. Always." I said touching his cheek. 

"I know. But I thought I lost you. You know. I thought I lost the only person that meant everything."

"You will never lose me Captain. Even if you'll fuck up everything. I will be there. For you. With you."

"I love you (y/n)." He said. And before I could understand what he said his soft lips were on mine. He tasted like heaven. He was on his knees in front of me. So our faces were at same level. My arms went to his strong shoulders. One hand inside his shirt. Between his shoulder blades. Caresing his warm skin. His big but kind hands found my waist and pulled me closer to himself. If it was possible. My legs were around his waist and I feld him getting up with me.

"(Y/n)..." he murmured while he carried me somewhere more privet than living room. I was holding to him like he was everything that kept me alive.

"You never answered me."

"I love you idiot. How didn't you know?" I murmured to his neck. My breath on his skin.

"How could I know?" He asked more than himself than me. "I always thought I was out of your league."

"You are in. And you are only one I would want to be in."

He opened the door with his left hand right one holding me close to his torso. We were in his room. I was here many times before. We had our personal movie nights, we watched Netflix all day long sometimes and we would cuddle when one of us had bad dreams. I don't know most of my visits were not because I had bad dreams but I just needed him close.

Before I could bury myself deeper in my thoughts I felt warm lips against mine. I smiled. Because I dreamed about this moment thousand times. Him on me. His hands wandering around my body. Him pulling me close.

His smell was divine. His smell got me so hard that I felt like I was in heaven. His strong and long arms were only thing that was holding me from falling.

"I love you (y/n). I love you. I love you." He was repeating to my lips. I smiled.

"I love you too Steve. So much..." And suddanly I was tired. From the way everything happened so fast. From thr happiness that I was in his arms. His lips were all over my face. And he was repeating that he loved me like it was a prayer.

I felt myself falling asleep. I knew he felt it too. He pulled me to his chest and before I started dreaming I heard him whisper:

"You have no idea how much I am in love with you doll. You really do have no idea."

***

I was thinking my eyes closed. (Y/n) was sleeping on my chest and my fingers were tangled in her soft hair. Her taste still on my lips... I was happy. Happy that after all this day I talked with (y/n). 

It was bad without her. It was bad because since I woke up here she always was somewhere around. She was there for me. She was the best thing I ever had. She still is. I opened my eyes and looked at her sleeping form. There was a beautiful smile on her pink lips. Dark pink lips nearly red lips after our making out. That made me smile too... After all that time me being afraid that after my love confession our friendship would be ruined she was in my arms.

But suddanly I saw dark purple bruise on her wrist. And I felt like I was punched at stomach. It was hard to realize that I hurt her physically. That she was in pain because of me. Hearing about it. Or talking about it was easy. But seing the damage. Realising the amouth of the damage it hurt.

With my free hand I gently took her wrist and pulled to my lips. I kissed it softly. I could feel the sadness and regret building inside me.

"I am sorry doll. I never meant to hurt you that bad. I don't deserve you." I whispered.

"Shut up. And lets sleep in peace."

"But (y/n)... I hurt you. Look at your wrist what kind of man I am."

"A good one. A perfect one. It was the moment of a weekness. I am not angry at you. I love you."

"The question is do I deserve your love?"

"Yes. You do." She murmured. She was on her elbow. She kissed my cheek and burried her face in my neck.

"What if I will hurt you again? I can't take the risk of hurting you."

"You won't."

"But..."

"No buts Rogers. I love you you love me. We will make sure I will never get that drunk again so you would never be that angry again."

"I was angry becauseI was jealous. Why were you that wasted?"

"I was jealous too."

"Of whom?"

"You."

"From?"

"Sharon."

"What?"

"You know you were spending a lot of time with her. And she was all over you and... I might or might not thought that you loved her."

"Well. No need to worry doll. I love you. And we kind of had a fight this morning. I gave her a speech."

"About what?"

"Respecting you."

"Do I need to know something?"

"Nope. I got it. If she will ever try to talk about you she will find herself on the other side of the world."


	5. Hiding.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relationship. Friends. Kisses. Tony.

"Look at them. Look how Steve watches her. Look how he smiles." Said Clint.

"I don't know... Before all that shit happened they used to be like this. Cao adores her. (Y/n) is her best girl."

"But look at them Tony! Something happened. I am fucking sure."

"No. They think that friendship is magic. They won't tell those love you's even if it would be their last chance."

"They are not only talking they are so... So kind to each other. Look how he looks at her. He is in love."

"He always was in love with her." Said Natasha.

"But something has changed."

"You might be right." Natasha said.

"What have you got in your mind Nat?" Asked Tony.

"I am taking (y/n). You boys take Cap and lets ask all the questions we got for them."

***

"So... Captain you and our little pretty (y/n) are extremely close these days."

"We are good friends."

"No you two were good friends but lately you look at her like she is your whole world."

"She is my whole world Tony. It was like this it always will be."

"Something changed Steve. You should tell us." Said Clint.

"Nothing is happening guys. We are friends. Good ones. I can die for (y/n). But nothing changed. It was like this since I met her."

*** 

"Why are you hiding?" I whispered and looked at Steve.

"Hi there." He said and pulled me to himself. He gave me a short kiss and closed the door.

"Tony, Clint and Natasha. They are on us."

"So?"

"They will spy on us."

"Let them sugar we have nothing to hide."

"I know. But I really do think we can have our own life. Private one."

"We have. You are sleeping in my room for 2 weeks and they just started to feel that something is on. And when they will learn nothing will change."

"Promise?"

"I do." I said and pulled his face to mine.

"God I love your kisses." He murmured I just laughed. 

"Wanna watch a movie?" I asked.

"Good idea. Which movie?"

"I don't know. You choose."

"Lets go." He said and wrapped his arm around my waist.

***

"(Y/n). Can we talk? I gotta ask you something." I said amd knocked on the door. And softly got in. 

"(Y/n)." I said and went to her living room. And I found her. On one and only Captain America. (Y/n) was sitting on his lap. Curled to his chest. And Steve was holding her. His hands around her waist and neck. His lips firmly pressed to her temple. 

"We are good friends my ass." I murmured and took a photo. Sent to others and silently got out.

***

"Steve... Wake up sugar." I said kissing his chin softly.

"Morning beautiful."

"Good one."

"When did we fell asleep?" He asked. He still was sleepy and he was the cutest. I gave him a biggest kiss.

"You are too cute." I laughed.

"And you are too pretty." He said and his lips were dancing on mine. I loved his taste. I could never get tired of this taste. I put my arms around his strong neck. His hands were on my legs. I knew where he was going. And I knew he was too much of a gentleman. So I took his hands and put them on my ass. He gave me a big squeeze. I moaned. He was so good at touching me. He knew how to make me feel so good.

"I love you." He said. He was looking in my eyes dearly.

"I love you too  Stevie. I always had. And always willl." I said pecking his lips lazily.

***

"So... Love birds. How was your beauty sleep?" Asked Tony. He had that knowing light in.

"What?" (Y/n) asked.

"We know you two are together together. We know you are a couple." Clint sang.

"I have photos." Said Nat.

I looked at (y/n). She gave me soft smile. 

"We are together. It has been a while." I confessed.

"And why the hell are we not hearing aboit it till now?"

"Because Tony, it is about us. Not any of you." (Y/n) said. 

"But we are your family we are your bffs."

"No. We are each others bffs." I said.

"So... How will this thing work?"

"It is not a thing. And it will work naturally." She said putting her arms around my waist. I pulled her closer to my body and smiled.

"Yeah. Everything will work out."


	6. NOT A CHAPTER

Hi everyone. I just needed to tell that I have a major exam for college next week. And I need to focus on that. I might not be able to write a new chapter but I am not abondoning this story. Thank you for reading. And I am always open for new ideas. Have a good day.


	7. Bang Bang My Baby Shot Me Down.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because it seems it will be OK. It won't be OK.

"It is him. I am sure. It is him." Steve said. I was watching him with worried eyes. The Winter Soldier... Bucky was in front of us but he knocked down Natasha and he had no idea who the hell Steve was.

"He doesn't remember you Cap. He is the danger right now."

"No! Tony I know him he is Bucky. He is good."

"Steve. Just... Look I know it is Bucky and I know what he means to you but he doesn't remember right now. I am not telling that we should fight him. But we have to be careful. And you are everything but careful right now." I said. He looked at me with stone cold glare. Yeah our little personal paradise a.k.a. our relationship was taking all the punches right now.

"He is my friend."

"I know damn it. But Nat is our friend too and he nearly killed her."

"He wouldn't do it."

"It is Winter Soldier in front of us Steve not your pal. We need to save him for him being Bucky again. You can't go soft now."

"I am not hurting him. And none of you too. Or I will hurt you." He said looking directly in my eyes.

"Are you even listening to me?" I snapped. 

"I am. But I have no idea who is talking right now." He said bitter tone his voice. He was daring me. And he was over the line.

"You know what Rogers? Like it or no you are in this team and like it or not we are taking him down."

"You won't dare (y/n)."

"Excuse me for caring about people and not you sorry ass." I said. He wanted to be cocky okay I was the cockiest.

He took a large step towards me but Thor stopped him standing in front of me.

"Captain I don't think this is the best idea." He said slowly.

"You will learn to listen to me Agent." He said with disgusted tone over my name.

"Only when your brain is talking. Your ego is no leader of mine."

"Guys I know this is your relationship and Winter Soldier is your soft spot Cap but... (Y/n) is right we have to take him down and take him to tower and help him remember." Tony said.

"Now we are listening to the drama queen over there?" He asked. I knew he was seeing red and he hated to lose an argument but he was wrong and we would never die because he couldn't accept his fault.

"Say what you want about me I don't give a fuck." I said.

"Did you ever gave any fucks about me?"

"I did. More than you deserved." I said. And that moment the stone cold glare in his went down. He looked more like the Steve Rogers I knew for a moment but only for a moment.

***

"Winter Soldier is sleeping. We are making him. I am running few tests over him to make sure he is okay and Tony is working on his memory return." Said Bruce.

"How is Romanoff?"

"Just a little sore she is a big girl. She will be okay. And Cap..."

"Yes Banner?"

"You should apologise. From (y/n)."

"I don't think we will be okay again."

"You two dated for 7 months and you love each other. It deserves another chance."

"I am not sure."

"Cap don'g decide with your anger. She is your girl and she never harmed you in any way. Maybe you two should talk."

"You heard her Bruce. She thinks I don't deserve her love, caring."

"But it doesn't stop her loving you."

"I am not sure."


	8. Where Else Can I Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It might or might not be an emotional chapter.

"How are you feeling about all this shit?" Asked Tony. I just looked at him. I felt numb. After all the things Steve and I went through he was ignoring me again and sadly I won't be suprised if he and Sharon would start walking around again. Freaking again! 

"I don't feel." I said. His warm brown eyes looked at me with worry.

"We both know deep down you do feel. You do love Captain Rogers and it is your worst fear to lose him."

"I am not sure if I have him anymore." 

"Come on (y/n). We both know you have him and he has you until the end. And you..."

"Tony!" I interrupted him. "That is exactly my point what if this is the end? For us?"

"Weren't you happy together? I mean you never argued and you know you had those lovely stares."

"Maybe it is over. Those lovely stares I mean. Maybe he is sick of me. Maybe I am tired of him. Who knows?"

"You and Steve have to know don't you think?"

"We have to but we don't. This is a problem. Maybe we are a problem."

"You have so many maybes..."

"Because I have no idea what is going on. I have no idea if he still loves me if he is still the man I fell in love with."

"So what if you don't love him anymore?"

"I don't know. I never imagined us getting this way. I never thought he will try to control me like this. You know Steve was always the gentleman maybe he still is. But he doesn't want me to have my own ideas. Ok. He never liked my thinking not before we started dating not after it but right now what he does is controlling me. He has no right for this no one has."

"He just wants you to be in his team."

"I am in his team. I am forever in his team. I can die for him but when he is wrong he is wrong. I can't like accept all the things he says."

"(Y/n)... You both are too angry right now to talk but... I have to ask because it is killing me I want to know. Do you still love Steve?"

"I don't know." I said a single tear falling from my eyes. A single tear full of every damn thing Steve made me feel. Good or bad. It was for Steve. And I felt like everything about him left me with that tear. And I didn't know who I was or what I was doing because of the giant hole Steven Grant Rogers left in my heart and soul.

***

I was going to visit Bucky and I heard (y/n) talking with Tony. I could hear them clearly. And her voice sounded emotionless. I didn't stop myselfm i had to hear what was the talk about.

"...killing me I want to know. Do you still love Steve?"

"I don't know."

I don't know? She just said she didn't know if she still loved me. When I was dying to hold her in my arms one more time to kiss her to tell her I was sorry... She didn't even knew if she loved me. I didn't know what to feel? I wanted to feel angry. I wanted to be angry with (y/n). I wanted to burst into that room hold her shoulders and shakr her until she would realise that we were in love. We were created for each other. But... But I knew all this shit happening was my fault. I knew if there was someone, anyone I had to be mad at it was me. 

She never did anything wrong or bad I just acted like a drama queen like a child. It was my fault that she ran away. She wanted to stay but I made that impossible. I tried to make her my own little toy. I tried to decide for her. 

I couldn't visit Bucky like this. I was a mess more than before. I needed to get drunk. So Thor was the only one I could go to. Only one who could help me to get drunk.

***

"So... Tell me something?" Nat asked.

"(Y/n) is trying to protect herself from getting hurt. Emotionly. And she is closing herself to emotions. I asked her what he felt for Capsicle but she said she didn't know." I said.

"What about Rogers? Did he said he was sorry? Or is he being an ass again?"

"He is broken too Natasha. He blames himself. Well it is good because he is responsible for all this mess." Bruce said. He was right. Steve made this Steve had to fix this.

"We should do something..."

"Nat both of them are adults. One of them is nearly hundred years old. And it is their relationship." I said.

"We have no right to say anything Natasha. It is not our thing to day anything. They have to decide. Or they will try to fix each other and make this work again or they have to let each other go."

"They are lost. They need our help!"

"With our help they got together and look what happened." Bruce said.

And there was nothing more to say. At least for us...


	9. Please Don't Bury Us.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And nothing else matters now, you're not here  
> So where are you? I've been calling you, I'm missing you

"Steve..." I said. He looked tired and sad. I knew him for a very long time and I never had seen him this bad. He still was the most beautiful human being to me but... He was bad.

"(Y/n)..."

"Hey..." I said. I knew I wasn't sounding happy or even nice but I was bitter. We were bitter and it was making me more bitter more sad.

"Did you come here to take your things?"

"You want me to take my things?" I asked. I was praying inside for him to say no but... Maybe it was real maybe we were broken too much to be fixed.

"I know you don't love me anymore. And I think you are right. Why would you ever love me? You are so perfect so beautiful and there is me... I am so nothing next to you and I know you and this and we..."

Something was wrong. Steve was talking but I had no idea what he was talking about I had no idea what happened to his words. Maybe he was d... No. No way. Steve was a super soldier and he had the fastest metabolism ever. Like ever. He couldn't be drunk... Unless Thor. That Asgardian little piece of shit.

"Are you drunk Rogers? Did you drink that strange God Beer?"

"What does this have anything to do with that?" He asked. He was thinking that he was makinh sense. God...

"Get up. Get up! You are taking a cold shower than drinking some black coffee and than we will have a talk about drinking."

"I don't want to."

"Stop being a baby. You had to think about it before getting drunk." I said and made him go to the bathroom. He was standing there. 

"Take a shower." I said.

"No I won't." He said pouting. He was cute. Like too fucking cute. And stubborn. I sighed and helped him take off his clothes. He was too naked and too hot in front of me. And before he could see my blush I pushed him under the water.

"It is cold."

"That is the point?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"What?"

"Helping me. I know you hate me."

"I don't hate you."

"But you don't love me either?"

"Finish the showe and dry yourself I will make some coffee."

"I heard you say you didn't love me."

"I never said I did not."

"(Y/n)..." but before he could finish I made my way to his kitchen.

***

I was watching (y/n). It was hard to watch her knowing how much I loved her and she did not love me at all. I was feeling more sober but the pain was the same. With or with not alcohol knowing that I lost my girl hurt.

"Are we over?"

"I don't know."

"Do you think this is the end? I mean, what will we do after this?"

"I don't know."

"When did you think we felt apart exactly?"

"I don't know! Okay? Steve I have no idea what is wrong with us? Or why did we became this way? But only thing I know is you are hurting me bad. You want me to be your puppet. You want to control me and I am sorry I won't let you. You can't."

"I am sorry."

"Sorry won't fix it. I wish it did. But it won't."

"I am sorry. Sorry is all I have. Sorry is all that I can say. And excuse me for not being enough."

"You were fucking enough. You still are enough. More than enought but I can't let you have me as your slave. As your girl? I can forever stay your doll. But you have to respect me and my thoughts."

"I can't if you are rebeling against me."

"Oh fuck it! I never rebeled against you! All I did was to help you. To make you happy. And look at you. You are telling me that you are sorry for not being enough but it is cristal clear that you don't think I am enough."

"Maybe because you are not?"

"I am not? Than go and fuck your Carter."

"Oh maybe I will. At least she knows how to listen to a comand. She has enough brains." He said. I was shocked. I slapped him hard. 

"You were right Rogers. I don't love you anymore. I can never love the man you had become. I can never love you or anyone who has no heart but his ego only. We are over. You can go and fuck with Sharon right now. Hell you can even marry her and I won't feel a shit."

"(Y/n). I am sorry I didn't mean this. I love you."

"No you don't. You just can't." I said. And ran away from his room as fast as I could. I was going to cry and I didn't wanted him to see me cry. I would never give him that satisfaction.

I ran until I was out of the tower. Until I felt loud noices and felt something hard hitting me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean who would not hep Steve Rogers to take off his clothes? I would. Every day. Every night. Everytime he needed that.


	10. Babe You Lost Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read and see guys. Read and see...

"What are you doing man? What are you doing to (y/n)? Yourself?"

"Sam I really don't want to talk about (y/n) or anything about her right now?"

"Why? Maybe because you are wrong? You hurt her so bad that nobody saw her since then?"

"I am sure she is okay. She is just with her friends or something."

"We are her friends."

"What do you want Wilson? Why do you care?"

"Because both of you are my friends and both of you are upset. Ah one more thing you two are in love!"

"We thought that too but I am not so sure anymore."

"Yeah? So you don't love her? Maybe you love Agent Carter? You know the girl who is hunting you for your name and gives no fuck about who the hell you are."

"She respects me."

"She respects Captain America. She doesn't even think about Steven Grant Rogers. But (y/n)... (Y/n) cares about who you truly are. She loves who you are and she totally respects and Captain America and Steve Rogers. The thing I can't understand how did you become this kind of a person that could hurt the girl who he loves the most this much."

"She is not the only one who got hurt. You know..."

"Yeah. She hurt you while protecting herself from more pain."

"You weren't there Sam. You have no idea."

"Maybe I wasn't there but Rogers I know what happened. We all know. Because this is not the first time you act like a bitch. It is first time that she has no more power to take your insults."

"What are you talking about!" I shouted at him. I was angry. I was in pain. She wasn't here she just had left me and before I could even stop bleeding inside here Sam was blaming me. I knew I did all this shit but I didn't need anyone saying it to my face right now.

"I am talking about you using her. You hurting her. And you making her cry every damn time you talked."

"Fuck of Wilson. Or I will hurt you."

"Like you did hurt (y/n)?"

"Worse." I said. And I saw the shock in his eyes. 

"So you hurt her knowing what you are doing? Well Captain... I always tought you were the best man alive. Just sometimes life was too hard and you were losing it. But I guess I was wrong. You are no good and life has nothing to do with your actions."

***

"What are you doing?" I heard Winter Soldier ask. He was staying at lab and I was trying to find (y/n) watching her signal.

"Well Icy you pal made our girl run away and we need to find her before she gets hurt."

"Steve?"

"Yeah. That one."

"What did he do?"

"He and (y/n) were a couple. Maybethey still are who knows. Lately they were fighting a lot and last time they saw each other and we saw (y/n) he shouted at her and called her bad names. He broke her heart and she ran away."

"Stark are you sure he did that? I mean I don't remember much but I know Steve is the most gentle guy I have ever met. And he would never hurt anyone like thay or call them bad names. You tell me that is her gal and I don't think Steve would do that."

"We didn't either but he did. (Y/n) is gone."

"Can I help?"

"Even I can't help. Her phone and bag is here so she couldn't go too far but she is not here. I don't know wherr she is. It's been nearly a day and... I think something happened. I don't want to think about that but..."

"It is the only real explanation?"

"Yeah."

"Did you looked at the cameras?"

"No. Too much cameras I was going to but I didn't had time. Lets look at them." I said and showed him her photo fist and we started to watch secutiry videos. And there it was. (Y/n). But it wasn't good. It was bad. It was terrible. 

(Y/n) was running probably while crying so she didn't really saw where she was going and a guy like bigger than Thor stopped her. She crushed into him and then a car pulled over and they took her. They took (y/n). Our (y/n). What the fuck?

"You saw what I saw?"

"Yeah." Said Bucky.

"We need to find these guys. And then take our baby girl back."

"I think first we have to kick Steve's ass."

"I think I am starting to love you Barnes."

"Don't love me too much Stark."

***

"So I wasn't with you since Great War and here you are acting like an idiot."

"Shouldn't you be at lab?"

"No. I had to do something?"

"What?"

"Give you some brains."

"What are you talking about." I said looking at the guy in front of me who used to be my best friend.

"(Y/n) was kidnapped while you were bitching here."

"What?" I felt my heart stop for a second then a cold and bad feeling was all over me.

"Yesterday after you made her cry and run away someone caught her and too her. We don't know who are they and what they want. But they have (y/n). We can't risk her."

"How do you know?"

"Iron Man and I were looking for her and we saw at camera records."

"When?"

"10 minutes ago. He called SHIELD and other guys who can help. We think maybe they are from HYDRA or any other evil guys. Personally I don't think they are HYDRA. This is not their style but who knows? They are weak now and they could do anything."

"This is a joke right? You all are trying to make me feel bad. But suprise suprise I feel bad enough."

"I wish it was a joke. But like it or not Rogers she is gone. And we don't have time. We don't know if she is okay."

 


	11. Man Fuck Your Pride.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We only understand how much we love someone when we are on the edge of losing them.

"Come on (y/n) you are stronger than this." Bruce was murmuring giving her a heart massage.

"Banner?" Clint asked. I could sense the anger and fear in his voice his face was like a mask. I couldn't tellwhat he was feeling by his face but his eyes were full of fear. 

"No heart beat. We need to take her to lab. Or hospital. I don't know but here I can't save her. I am losing her." He said.

"I can take her." Said Tony and took her in his arms. She was looking dead and it made my blood run cold. I never thought the last time I would see her would be like this. Her body. Her lifeless body. Her lifeless body which was hurt, beaten, burned by HYDRA in arms of one of my team mates. Her eyes closed red from no sleep. And skin so pale yellow. The girl which I fell in love. The girl which was full of life just a month ago... The girl who I broke just a month ago. I felt a hand on my shoulder. Bucky was looking at me with sad eyes. Only then I realised I was shaking.

"What now?" Natasha whispered.

Nobody answered. Nobody could answer. There was no answer.

"If she dies..." Sam started but he couldn't finish the sentence. None of us could. Because we didn't know. We never thought the end of one of us would be like this. After every damn mission every damn risk we went through we never realised death was something too real. Yes there were times we cried thinking one of us was dead but deep down we knew that him or her would return. Better. Stronger. But (y/n)...

But (y/n) was medically dead in front of our eyes just like 5 minutes ago. And I couldn't stop myself from thinking what would have happened if I wasn't that hard on her. What would have happened if I told her how much I loved her, how much I needed her in my life just to hold her closer and in my arms. Her little head on my chest the divine smell of her soft hair in my lungs. Her sweet lips on mine. Her little hands holding me closer like it was any more possible for us to be closer. Now all of it was gone because of me.

Because I wasn't brave enough to tell her that she was right that I lived her too fucking much. And I never felt something so strong it made me too stupid. 

***

"When will she wake up?"

"Nat... Her doctor said he is not sure if she will wake up."

"She has to." I said. It hurt all my soul and body to watch (y/n)s motionless body.

"Maybe we are hurting her Nat. Poor girl has been through so much and we are pushing her in something again and again and again and again. We are hurting her."

"So what are you saying Stark? Lets kill her?"

"Maybe we should stop giving her all these too strong pills and let her go from these machines so she can decide for herself."

"No."

"What we are doing is selfish."

"Making her live? This is selfish? What about Cap?" I asked he just looked at me.

"What? Tell me."

"Cap is why she is this much beaten. All he does is hirting her damn it. Wake uo Romanoff our Golden Boy is killing our baby girl damn it? I lost count Natasha help me please? How many times was (y/n) in a come because of something Cap did?"

"Tony..."

"Yeah! Too many times."

"Tony..."

"Don't Tony me damn it! We have to stop this. Stop him. He is trouble for her."

"He loves her."

"But he loves his own ass more. This is a problem."

"Have you seen him since the day we found (y/n)?"

"..."

"He is miserable. He is depressed."

"Because he knows all of this shit is happening because of him."

"Don't be like this."

"Nat. Look. Cap is our friend blah blah blah. But (y/n) is our friend too. And she needs protection. If she stays alive of course."


	12. It didn't even matter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter. Death. I am sorry.

"Cap..." I said. He looked like hell. I knew he felt like hell. But he needed to know. He needed to hear this. It had to be done.

"Cap." I said a little louder. He still was watching his hands. He was in a depression but he never closed himself like this. Maybe someone... No. No one could. We talked about it. I was going to be the one who told him. Others were too... Angry? Upset? I didn't know anymore.

"Steve. We need to talk. It... It is important."

He didn't even look at me. 

"Come on Steve." I said and touched his shoulder.

"It is about (y/n)."

"(Y/n)..." he whispered with a voice full of pain.

"Yeah. (Y/n)."

"I..."

"No... Let me talk. It is hard enough."

"No."

"Steve..."

"I can't hear it. No. No." He was shaking.

"I am sorry."

"Natasha no!"

"Steve this morning..."

"No..." 

"This morning (y/n)... We lost (y/n) today. Steve she is dead."

"No. No. No. No." He was repeating it like a prayer like it could stop the painful truth disappear.

"I am sorry." I said. He nust cried there.

"(Y/n)..."

"Steve. She is gone. She is dead."

"She is not dead. My (y/n) is not dead. No. No! My (y/n) is okay. She always will be okay. She is alive. She would never leave me. She loves me. I love her. I love her."

"Do you... Do you want to say good bye?"

"She is alive."

"Come on Cap. Say good bye to her. It... It won't be easy but... You will see her one last time and it is something. You have to say good bye."

***

I was following Natasha. We were at the hospital where (y/n) was alivd just yesterday. Sleeping but alive. And now I was going to see her one more time and she would be burried deep down. And... And I slowly started to realise it was the final good bye. All the fights we had times we argued or hurt each other were flying in my mind. How stupid they were. And how in the end we would always end up together. Except the last time. The final time when I hurt her so bad. When I couldn't protect her because I wasn't there. She needed me and I wasn't there.

"We are here." Natasha said. 

"Is she?"

"She doesn't really look that different. It is just no heart beat and breathing. She was dead pale while she was here so... It is not her best time but not the worst."

"Can I go there alone?"

"Yeah sure. I will wait here."

I opened the door hands shaking. I didn't wanted to do this. Because if I would do it would be the end. I wanted stay in this moment forever so I would not accept that she is no more aoth me. She is no more mine.

And then I saw her. A white sheet over her slim body. Eyes closed forever. Pale... Very pale. And normally beautiful pink lips a little purple and a little blue. She was dead. She was dead. I kneeled next to the bed she was in. And held her cold hand. Too cold to be alive. Every damn thing around was screaming "(y/n) is dead. She is gone. You lost her."

I slowly kissed her wrist. Where her pulse used to beat.

"Hello doll. It has been a while. Since the last time I saw you smiling and... And I miss that smile. I miss everything you did. Everything you said and now you are gone and not coming back so... What am I supposed to do? What can I do? When... When I love you so much and I lost you because I was such an idiot. And I am sorry. Sorry because I made you feel that way, because I made you cry. I... I. I don't know what to do. All I know is it is because of me. Because of me you were kidnapped. Because of me you were hurt. And now because of me you are dead. Damn it. I killed you (y/n). I killed you." I was crying un controlably by now. Next to lifeless body of the love of my life. 

***

"What now?" Tony asked. We were watching Steve. He was on his knees in front of (y/n)s grave. He looked broken. I could only imagine how much in pain he was. It was raining and he was sitting there for days now. 

"He won't be okay."

"I know Barnes. But... We have to do something."

"I know..."

"(Y/n) is dead she is not coming back and... And Steve is a mess."

"He will always be a mess. He lost his other half."

"He killed his other half."

"It makes everything harder."

"Yeah."

"We need to save the world but..."

"He lost his world."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave kudos and comments. Thank you xoxo


End file.
